Chalkboard Openings

I will not waste chalk
I will not aim for the head
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not burp in class
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not instigate revolution
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I did not see Elvis
I will return the seeing-eye dog
Funny noises are not funny
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
I will not snap bras
Garlic gum is not funny
I will not fake seizures
They are laughing at me, not with me
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not fake my way through life
I will not prescribe medication
Tar is not a plaything
I will not bury the new kid
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not teach others to fly
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not trade pants with others
A burp is not an answer
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
I am not a 32 year old woman
Teacher is not a leper
I will not do that thing with my tongue
Coffee is not for kids
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not eat things for money
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
I will not sell school property
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
I will not cut corners
I will not squeak chalk
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will not get very far with this attitude Goldfish don't bounce
I will not make flatulent noises in class
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not belch the National Anthem
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not sell miracle cures
I will not grease the monkey bars
Underwear should be worn on the inside
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
The Christmas pageant does not stink
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not show off
I will not call the principal "spud head"
I will not carve gods
I will not sleep through my education
I will not spank others
I am not a dentist
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Spitwads are not free speech
I will finish what I start
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
High explosives and school don't mix
Hamsters cannot fly
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not use abbrev.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not hang donuts on my person
No one wants to hear my armpits
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
I will not strut around like I own the place
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
I am not certified to remove asbestos
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
I will remember to take my medication
The boys room is not a water park
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
Nerve gas is not a toy
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
The Truth is not out there

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